How Do Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys?

by Ryan Hart | Updated on October 6, 2023 | Post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Are you familiar with the term “flying monkeys” in the context of narcissism? If not, let’s break it down.

Flying monkeys act as enablers or supporters of a narcissist’s behavior. Flying monkeys are a reference to the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, who uses flying monkeys to do her bidding.

It can be difficult to recognize a flying monkey, as they often appear to be regular people taking sides in a disagreement or conflict. However, they are actually doing the bidding of the narcissist, whether knowingly or unknowingly.

Understanding the concept of flying monkeys is crucial for anyone dealing with a narcissist, as it can help you recognize who is truly on your side and who is being manipulated.

The purpose of this article is to explore the role of flying monkeys in narcissism and provide tips for protecting yourself from their harmful actions.

What is Narcissism?

A personality disorder such as narcissism can affect anyone, including yourself or someone you know. Narcissistic traits can manifest in a variety of ways, but they generally involve a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a need for admiration.

They may also have a deep-seated fear of failure or rejection, which can lead to rage or other emotional outbursts when they feel threatened.

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy. They may be unable to understand or care about how their actions affect others, making it difficult to have a healthy relationship with them.

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to manipulate or exploit others to get what they want, and they may feel justified in doing so.

If you are dealing with a narcissist, setting boundaries and protecting your emotional well-being is important. You may need to limit your interactions with them or seek professional help to learn coping strategies. Remember that you can’t change a narcissist, but can change how you respond to them.

What are Flying Monkeys?

In narcissism, flying monkeys are people the narcissist recruits to help them carry out their manipulative tactics.

It can be difficult to identify a flying monkey, as they often appear to be normal people who are simply taking sides in a conflict or disagreement.

However, they are actually doing the bidding of the narcissist and may be spreading rumors, lying, or even engaging in harassment or intimidation on the narcissist’s behalf.

Narcissists use flying monkeys to isolate their victims, discredit them, and make them feel like they are going crazy.

By enlisting the help of others, the narcissist avoids accountability for their own actions and manipulates the situation to their advantage.

If you are dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys, it’s important to recognize what is happening and take steps to protect yourself. This may include setting boundaries, limiting contact with the narcissist and their enablers, and seeking support from trusted friends and family members.

How Do Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys?

When it comes to flying monkeys in narcissism, the role of the narcissist is crucial. Narcissists often use flying monkeys as a tool to manipulate and control those around them.

They will use their charm and charisma to convince others to do their bidding. Flying monkeys can be anyone from friends and family members to coworkers and even strangers.

The narcissist will use these individuals to create drama and chaos in their victim’s life. They will bully and manipulate their victim, and the flying monkeys will help them do it. The narcissist will use their power and influence to sway the opinions of others.

One of the most common tactics used by narcissists is the smear campaign. They will spread lies and gossip about their victim to turn others against them. Flying monkeys play a significant role in this tactic as they will help spread the lies and gossip.

When dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys, gaslighting and manipulation are common tactics used to control and manipulate you.

Gaslighting involves the narcissist making you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and reality.

They may twist your words or actions, deny things they said or did, or accuse you of being too sensitive, crazy, or irrational. This can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of yourself.

They may also use smear campaigns to turn others against you or make you feel isolated and alone. Flying monkeys may spread rumors or lies about you to others, making it difficult for you to defend yourself.

The Impact on Family and Friends

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, not just for the victim but also for their family and friends.

The impact of narcissism on family members can be devastating. The narcissist may use their family members as pawns to carry out their manipulative tactics.

They may also use them to gain sympathy and attention from others. Family members may feel helpless and frustrated as they watch their loved one fall victim to the narcissist’s abuse.

Close friends of the victim may also be targeted by the narcissist. The narcissist may try to isolate the victim by turning their friends against them. This can be particularly difficult for the victim as they may feel like they have lost their support system.

Work colleagues may also be impacted by the narcissist’s behavior. The narcissist may try to undermine their colleagues to gain power and control. As a result, the team’s productivity and morale may be negatively affected.

Mutual friends of the victim and the narcissist may also be caught in the middle. The narcissist may try to turn mutual friends against the victim, causing tension and conflict within the group.

Coping Mechanisms

Dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys can be overwhelming and exhausting. It is essential to prioritize your self-preservation and take steps to protect your well-being. Here are some coping mechanisms you can use:

Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys. You have the right to set limits on what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not.

Be clear and firm about your boundaries; do not let anyone cross them. If someone violates your boundaries, speaking up and telling them that their behavior is unacceptable is essential.

Disengage: It is essential to disengage from the narcissist and their flying monkeys. Limit your interactions with them as much as possible, and avoid engaging in arguments or discussions that are likely to lead to conflict.

If you must communicate with them, keep it brief and to the point. Do not get drawn into their drama or manipulation.

Find Support: Surround yourself with people who support and care about you. Having a strong support system can help you cope with the stress and emotional turmoil of dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys. Seek out friends, family, or a therapist who can provide you with emotional support and guidance.

Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with narcissists and their flying monkeys. Make time for activities that you enjoy, and prioritize your physical and emotional well-being.

Take care of your health by exercising, eating healthy, sleeping enough, and practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga.

Seeking Professional Help

If you are struggling with the effects of narcissistic abuse and flying monkeys, seeking professional help is a valuable step. A trained counselor or therapist can provide you with the tools and support you need to overcome the trauma and move forward healthily.

When choosing a counselor or therapist, it is important to find someone who has experience working with individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse and flying monkeys.

Look for a counselor or therapist with a Ph.D. in psychology or a related field and experience in treating anxiety and codependency.

During your therapy sessions, you may work on identifying and processing the emotions and experiences associated with the abuse. This can include learning coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety and stress and strategies for setting healthy boundaries and building self-esteem.

In addition to therapy, other resources are available to support your healing journey. A sense of community and understanding can be gained through online support groups and forums, while self-help books and workbooks can offer additional tools and guidance.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can you identify if someone is a flying monkey for a narcissist?

It can be difficult to identify a flying monkey, as they may appear to be normal people who are simply taking sides in a disagreement or conflict. However, some signs to look out for include:

  • They consistently defend and support the narcissist, even when their behavior is clearly wrong or harmful.
  • They attack or criticize anyone who disagrees with the narcissist.
  • They repeat the narcissist’s words and phrases as if they were their own.
  • They may use guilt or manipulation to try to get you to side with the narcissist.

What are some common tactics used by flying monkeys?

Flying monkeys often use tactics such as:

  • Gaslighting: making you doubt your own perceptions and reality.
  • Smearing: spreading false rumors or gossip about you to make you look bad.
  • Triangulation: involving a third party to create drama or conflict.
  • Intimidation: using threats or aggression to make you comply with the narcissist’s wishes.

How can you respond to a flying monkey without engaging with them?

It’s important to set boundaries and avoid engaging with flying monkeys. Some ways to respond include:

  • Politely but firmly stating that you do not wish to discuss the topic or engage in the conversation.
  • Ignoring their attempts to provoke or manipulate you.
  • Redirecting the conversation to a neutral or positive topic.
  • Ending the conversation and walking away if necessary.

What are some potential consequences of ignoring flying monkeys in a narcissistic situation?

Ignoring flying monkeys can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that engaging with them only feds into the narcissist’s manipulation and drama. Some potential consequences of ignoring them include:

  • The narcissist and their flying monkeys may escalate their behavior in an attempt to get a reaction from you.
  • You may feel isolated or unsupported if the flying monkeys are people you previously considered friends or allies.
  • You may experience feelings of guilt or self-doubt if the flying monkeys use gaslighting or other manipulation tactics to make you question your own perceptions.

Are there different types of flying monkeys, and how do they differ?

Yes, there are two types of flying monkeys: benevolent and malevolent. Benevolent flying monkeys genuinely believe they are helping the narcissist and may not realize the harm they are causing.

On the other hand, malevolent flying monkeys are fully aware of the narcissist’s behavior and actively participate in their manipulation and abuse.

Bottom Line

In conclusion, dealing with flying monkeys in narcissism can be challenging. These people can be difficult to identify, and they may seem like normal individuals who are taking sides in a disagreement or conflict. However, they are often under the spell of the narcissist and are doing their bidding.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are dealing with flying monkeys, it is essential to protect yourself. You can do this by setting boundaries and limiting your interactions with these individuals. Remember, you are not responsible for rescuing or protecting the narcissist.

Finally, remember that flying monkeys often seek satisfaction from the narcissist. They may be looking for approval or validation from the narcissist and will do whatever it takes to get it. By recognizing this, you can avoid getting caught up in their drama and focus on your own well-being.

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About the Author:
Ryan Hart

Ryan Hart is a certified relationship coach and writer. His mission is to help make connections between people better, stronger, more meaningful, and longer lasting using technology.

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