19 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You

by Ryan Hart | Updated on December 14, 2020 | Post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Couples photo collage

Are you getting the feeling that your ex isn’t over you?

In this post I’m going to reveal the most common signs that your ex is pretending to be over you through text or in real life.

Plus, in my research I discovered something surprising about what it means if your ex has a new boyfriend or girlfriend (hint: there’s still a chance).

Are you ready to learn more?

Let’s get started.

Signs ex is pretending to be over you

Signs your ex is pretending to be over you:

Signs ex is pretending to be over you

1. Your ex doesn’t delete your photos

If your ex doesn’t delete all of your photos from their social media accounts, this is a clear sign they still might have feelings for you.

Think about it: why would they keep a few photos from your relationship if they’ve moved on? To me this means they are not ready to let go of the memories you made as a couple.

They might be pretending that they are over you, but behind the scenes they are still hoping you might get back together.

Deleting your photos is like removing you from their life for good. If they are still interested in you, they will want to hold onto these memories for as long as they can.

2. Your ex keeps asking about you

Immediately after a breakup your ex might ask your friends about how you are doing. If this happens, it’s a good sign they are not over you.

Your ex might not be ready to talk to you about the breakup so they will go behind your back and talk to your friends. They might assume your friends will keep this a secret, but you know better than that.

Your friends are always there for you, letting you know what your ex is up to, and what they’ve been saying about you.

When your ex keeps asking about you, this is a great opportunity to send secret messages back to them.

You could have your friends tell your ex that you are lonely and rarely go out anymore, then find out how they respond. Or tell them that you go out constantly and are having the time of your life!

Their eyes will reveal if they are actually over you or if they are just pretending.

3. Your ex hides their new partner

When your ex hides their new boyfriend or girlfriend from you this is a sign they could still have feelings for you.

Even though your ex moved onto a new relationship quickly, that doesn’t mean they are over you. In fact, they might still want to get back together with you soon.

Hiding their new relationship is actually a good sign. They might be worried that you will move on too, if you knew about their new partner.

If you have hopes of getting back with your ex, it’s probably best to not mention their new relationship.

4. Your ex stays in contact with your family

An easy way to know if your ex is still interested in you is to find out if they are still in contact with your family.

For example, do they call or text your siblings? Or have your parents seen your ex at the grocery store or at a local restaurant?

These are signs that your ex is pretending to be over you, but really still loves you.

There is always more to the picture than meets the eye when your ex says they are over you. You need to pay attention to their body language and actions to find out if they are pretending or have officially moved on.

Staying in contact with your family is definitely a positive sign that there is still hope to get back together.

5. Your ex is working on themselves

After a breakup it is common to go through a mix of emotions ranging from sad to motivated. Sometimes a breakup gives us the opportunity to reflect in order to find out what went wrong and how we can improve.

If your ex is pretending to be over you they might start exercising more, reading self-help books or begin a new diet. Your ex is trying to become a better version of themselves so you will take notice.

When you see your ex posting motivational quotes on their social media pages this is a clear sign that they are pretending to be over you. Also keep an eye out for clues that they are showing a new interest in exercise, meditation, yoga, or education.

6. Your ex still jokes with you

While your ex might have already moved on or often tells you that they are over you, there’s still hope for the relationship to recover. For instance, if your ex still jokes with you over text or when you see them in person they are trying to win you back.

Research shows that men use humor to gauge if a woman is interested in them. The findings also revealed that if two people laugh together they are more likely to be romantically interested.

So if you want to get back together with your ex, science says you should laugh at their jokes.

If your ex is constantly trying to make you laugh, this is a sign that they are just pretending to be over you.

7. Your ex replies to your messages instantly

Breakups are tough because there is no easy way to tell how the other person is really feeling. Your ex might say things to protect themselves and not appear vulnerable.

This behavior makes it difficult to know whether they are pretending to be over you or have actually moved on.

However, if your ex replies to your messages instantly there still might be a chance at getting back together. They might not even realize they are responding quickly - it’s their subconscious in action.

Our subconscious mind has a massive influence on our feelings and actions even if we are not aware of it.

8. Your ex says they hate you

Immediately after a breakup it is common to experience a wide range of emotions.

It is common for both people to feel resentment, frustration, or mistrust toward the other person. These feelings are usually kept quiet, but it is not uncommon for your ex to come out directly to say they hate you.

Hearing this from a person that you once loved can be hard to accept. Do they really hate you or are they just pretending?

I believe this is a sign that they still have strong feelings for you. If their heart was broken after your relationship ended they might be having a hard time dealing with their emotions.

One way their heartbreak manifests is through a feeling of hate or betrayal. They have so much love for you but no longer have a way of expressing it and the only emotion they have left is anger.

8. Your ex does things to make you react

Does your ex do things to make you laugh or try to make you angry on purpose? This could be a sign that they still have feelings for you.

This type of behavior could be caused by their desire to get your attention and make you think about them.

For instance, has your ex ever said something that made you so mad that you stayed up all night thinking about it? Your ex likely did that on purpose.

On the surface it might seem like they no longer have feelings for you when they do or say things to make you react. But in reality, this is just a way of pretending to be over you.

9. Your ex makes it a big deal that they’ve moved on

Reverse psychology is a persuasion technique often used after a breakup to get back together. For instance, your ex might say something negative inorder to get the opposite reaction out of you.

One of the most common examples of reverse psychology is when your ex makes a big deal that they’ve moved on.

By emphasizing the fact they are over you, they are trying to get you to express your feelings for them.

Unfortunately for your ex, using reverse psychology also exposes their true feelings as well. So if your ex says they’ve moved on, this could be a sign that they are just pretending to be over you.

10. Your ex leaves stuff at your place

Ending a relationship is complicated. Not only do you have to deal with the emotional baggage of a breakup but you also have to figure out what to do with all of their stuff lying around your house.

One way to tell if they are pretending to be over you is if they leave stuff at your place after a breakup.

Your ex might be using their stuff as a secret way to get back together when the time is right.

They might not be eager to get their stuff back now when tensions are high. But when things cool off, they might come calling for their stuff in order to have one last chance at winning you back.

11. Your ex won’t give your stuff back

After a breakup you might be eager to get your stuff out of their place and reorganize your life. But what if your ex won’t give your stuff back?

I think this is a sign that they are not ready to move on.

Pay close attention to the words or phrases they use when you ask to get your stuff back. For instance, they might claim that the stuff is theirs or say that they bought it for you.

The language they use might give you clues that they are feeling sentimental about the relationship being over.

In fact, by not giving your stuff back they are holding onto their last hope of seeing you again. Eventually you’ll need to meet up in order to collect your stuff and this could be their chance to get back together with you.

12. Your ex wants to be a hero

Studies have shown that testosterone makes men protective of the people around them including friends, family, and even their ex.

This has been called the “hero instinct” because men have a need to feel wanted in their relationships.

So after your break up, watch closely for signs that your ex is trying to be a hero. This is a sign that they are being protective of you and want to feel needed by you.

13. Your ex likes to start a fight

Does your ex like to start fights with you about almost anything? This is a sign that they are putting up an emotional barrier and are just pretending to be over you.

After a breakup it is common to use different emotional coping mechanisms to get over the pain we feel. One of the easiest to identify is the need to fight or argue after a breakup.

Not only are these fights exhausting but they can be emotionally confusing. The next time you get into an argument with your ex take a moment to figure out why they want to get in a fight.

Are they just trying to get your attention? Is this a way to spend more time with you? Depending on the situation this could be a sign that they are not over you, yet.

14. Your ex makes constant eye contact

Studies show that there is a connection between eye contact and romantic love or sexual desire. If your ex makes strange or awkward eye contact after you breakup, this could be a sign that they have strong feelings for you.

For instance, if they stare deeply into your eyes or focus intently on your face, their subconscious is trying to decode your romantic intentions. Their behavior might also indicate that they are trying to get your attention and win you back.

The next time you meet up with your ex pay close attention to their eyes and where they are looking. You might discover some surprising clues about their real feelings toward you.

15. Your ex goes to parties frequently

Has your ex been going to parties to make you jealous? This could be a sign that they are pretending to be over you.

When your ex posts photos of their new social scene they are trying to get you to react. Jealousy is one of the strongest human emotions we experience because it makes us fearful of losing something we think is ours.

In fact, research shows that the pain of losing something is about twice as powerful as the pleasure of gaining something else.

Your ex could be using the incredible power of emotion and loss aversion to get back together with you.

16. Your ex blocks you on social media

Recent research reveals that using social media to keep tabs on an ex is associated with low emotional recovery and personal growth.

The same study on post-breakup social media behavior found that nearly one-third of Facebook users like to use the service to keep tabs on others.

If your ex blocks you on social media this could be a sign that they are having a hard time getting over you. Seeing your posts, videos, or photos was too difficult to handle.

The only way to stop thinking about you was to block you on social media completely.

17. Your ex sticks to their old routine

After a breakup it can be hard to figure out who gets to keep your favorite restaurants, bars, or gym. After all, neither of you want to run into the other on a date at your favorite restaurant.

One way to know if your ex is pretending to be over you is if they stick to their old routine.

Do they go to their favorite pizza place on Friday hoping to run into you or your friends? Have you seen your ex at your favorite bar after work?

These are strategies your ex will use to stay in contact with you with the hope of getting back together. Their hope is that you will feel nostalgic or sentimental about the past.

Psychology researchers have found that feelings of nostalgia can create overwhelming positive emotions. Your ex will use these sneaky tactics to make it seem like you are the one that wants to get back together, not them.

18. Your ex sends you long messages

You can easily tell if your ex is pretending to be over you if they send you long messages.

After a breakup your ex might be full of emotions. Their first instinct might be to blame you for the breakup and express their anger.

If your ex is still sending you long messages for weeks after your breakup this could be a sign that they are struggling to move on.

Read these messages carefully as they could contain subtle messages that they want to get back together.

Sending long texts or DMs about their frustrations could be a technique to disguise their true feelings of love towards you.

19. Your ex says their new partner hates you

If your ex moves on quickly, don’t worry because there’s still hope of getting back together.

A simple sign that your ex is pretending to be over you is if they say their new partner hates you.

In reality, your ex knows that if you ever meet their new partner you will see right through their intentions. Likely, it will be obvious that their new partner is just a rebound relationship and not one that will last.

Since you know your ex better than anyone, they don’t want to expose their true feelings to you. Instead, they might say that their new partner hates you so they will have an excuse to avoid seeing you again soon.

But the truth is that they are likely not over you and are trying to make you jealous. They probably have strong feelings for you but don’t know how to tell you.

Now it’s your turn

And now I’d like to hear from you.

Has your ex been acting strange after your breakup?

Are there any other signs that your ex still has feelings for you that I forgot to mention?

Either way, please leave a comment below right now and let me know.

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About the Author:
Ryan Hart

Ryan Hart is a certified relationship coach and writer. His mission is to help make connections between people better, stronger, more meaningful, and longer lasting using technology.

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