Should I Call My Ex

by Ryan Hart | Updated on January 2, 2024 | Post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Have you been contemplating calling your ex lately? Whether you’re feeling lonely, nostalgic, or just curious about how they’re doing, the temptation to reach out can be strong. 

But before you pick up the phone, it’s important to consider why you want to make contact and whether it’s a good idea.

Relationships can be complicated, and breakups can be even more so. While communication is often key to a healthy relationship, communicating with an ex is not always the best idea. 

Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, reaching out could reignite old feelings, cause more heartache, or even lead to a toxic situation. 

So, should you call your ex? The answer isn’t always clear-cut, but there are some things to keep in mind before you make the call.

When it comes to love and relationships, emotions can run high. It’s natural to want closure or to try and rekindle a lost connection. 

However, it’s important to approach communication with an ex thoughtfully and with clear intentions. Before you reach for the phone, consider why you want to call and what you hope to gain from the conversation. 

By being honest with yourself and taking a step back to evaluate the situation, you can make a decision that’s best for you and your emotional well-being.

Understanding the Reasons Behind the Breakup

Breakups can be tough, and it’s natural to want to reach out to your ex to try and understand what went wrong. Before you make that call, it’s important to take some time to reflect on the reasons behind the breakup.

One reason for a breakup could be a change in circumstances. Maybe one of you got a new job or moved to a different city, making it difficult to maintain the relationship. It’s important to consider whether these changes are temporary or permanent and whether you’re willing to make the necessary adjustments to keep the relationship going.

Another reason for a breakup could be a change in values. Perhaps you and your ex had different views on important issues, such as religion or politics, that ultimately caused tension in the relationship.

Toxic behavior can also be a reason for a breakup. In the case of an emotionally or physically abusive ex, it is imperative to recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect and that toxic behavior is never acceptable.

Ultimately, it’s important to take the time to reflect on the reasons behind the breakup before deciding whether or not to reach out to your ex. 

Self-Reflection and Healing

After a breakup, it’s important to take time for self-reflection and healing. This can be a difficult and painful process, but it’s necessary to move forward and grow as a person. Take the time to process your emotions and feelings, and don’t rush into reaching out to your ex.

It’s important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. This will help you feel better both physically and emotionally.

Self-reflection is also important during this time. Take a step back and think about what went wrong in the relationship. What could you have done differently? What did you learn from the experience? This will help you grow as a person and avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.

Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Don’t try to rush the process or force yourself to feel a certain way. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and work through them in a healthy way.

Remember, reaching out to your ex too soon can hinder your healing process. Take the time you need to focus on yourself and your own well-being. When you’re ready, you can consider reaching out to your ex if it feels right for you. But don’t rush into it before you’re truly ready.

Assessing Your Current Relationship Status

Before you decide whether or not to call your ex, assessing your current relationship status is important. Are you currently in a new relationship, dating someone, or just looking for friendship? Or are you strictly looking for a platonic relationship with your ex?

If you’re currently in a new relationship or dating someone, contacting your ex might not be the best idea. It could potentially cause jealousy or trust issues with your current partner. It’s important to prioritize your current relationship and avoid any actions that could jeopardize it.

On the other hand, if you’re just looking for friendship or a platonic relationship with your ex, it’s important to consider whether or not it’s a healthy decision. Are you still emotionally attached to your ex? Are you hoping to rekindle your romantic relationship? If so, it might be best to avoid contacting them until you’ve fully moved on.

If you do decide to reach out to your ex, it’s important to have an honest conversation about your intentions and boundaries. Make sure you’re both on the same page and that you’re not leading each other on or causing any confusion.

Overall, it’s important to assess your current relationship status and intentions before deciding whether or not to call your ex. Make sure you’re prioritizing your own emotional well-being and not causing any harm to yourself or others.

Deciding Whether to Reach Out

If you’re wondering whether or not to call your ex, it’s important to take the time to consider your motivations and feelings. Here are some things to keep in mind as you make your decision:

  • Miss them: If you’re feeling lonely or missing your ex, it’s natural to want to reach out. However, it’s important to remember that just because you miss them doesn’t mean that getting back together is the best decision for you.
  • Worry about them: If you’re concerned about your ex’s well-being, it’s understandable that you might want to check-in. However, it’s important to assess whether or not your concern is genuine or if it’s just an excuse to reach out.
  • Expectations: It’s important to approach any conversation with your ex without placing any expectations on the outcome. Understand that people change, circumstances shift, and moving on from a breakup involves accepting the reality of the situation.
  • Anxiety: If the thought of reaching out to your ex is causing you anxiety, it may be helpful to take a step back and consider why that is. Are you worried about how they’ll respond? Are you afraid of rejection? Understanding the source of your anxiety can help you make a decision that feels right for you.

Ultimately, the decision to call your ex is a personal one that only you can make. Take the time to assess your motivations and feelings, and remember that there’s no right or wrong answer.

Choosing the Right Time and Method

When it comes to contacting your ex, timing, and method are crucial. You don’t want to come across as desperate or pushy, but you also don’t want to wait too long and miss your chance to reconnect. Here are some tips to help you choose the right time and method:

Timing

Timing is everything when it comes to reaching out to your ex. You don’t want to contact them too soon after the breakup, as they may still be processing their emotions and need space. On the other hand, waiting too long can make it seem like you’re not interested in reconnecting at all.

A good rule of thumb is to wait at least 30 days before reaching out to your ex. This gives both of you time to heal and reflect on the relationship. If you’re still unsure, ask yourself if you’re contacting them because you genuinely miss them or if you’re just feeling lonely or bored.

Method

When it comes to contacting your ex, there are several methods to choose from, including texting, calling, or even social media. Each method has its pros and cons, so it’s important to choose the one that feels most comfortable for you.

If you’re not ready to have a conversation yet, texting can be an excellent way to break the ice. Keep your text short and casual, and don’t expect an immediate response. If you’re feeling more confident, calling your ex can be a good way to have a more meaningful conversation. Just make sure you’re not catching them at a bad time, and be prepared for any outcome.

No matter what method you choose, ensure you respect your ex’s boundaries. If they don’t respond or seem uninterested, don’t push the issue. Remember, you can’t force someone to want to talk to you.

In summary, choosing the right time and method to contact your ex is crucial. Give yourself and your ex enough time to process your emotions, and choose a method that feels comfortable for you. Remember to respect and understand their boundaries, and don’t expect an immediate response.

Navigating Post-Contact Outcomes

So, you’ve decided to call your ex. What happens next? It’s important to prepare yourself for all possible outcomes so you can handle them with grace and maturity.

Getting Back Together

If you’re hoping that calling your ex will lead to a reconciliation, it’s important to approach the situation with caution. Remember, just because you’re feeling nostalgic or lonely doesn’t necessarily mean that getting back together is the right choice. Take some time to reflect on why the relationship ended in the first place and whether those issues have been resolved. If you do decide to give the relationship another shot, make sure that you’re both on the same page about your expectations and goals.

Moved On

It’s possible that your ex has moved on and is no longer interested in reconnecting. If this is the case, it’s important to respect their decision and give them the space they need. Don’t try to force them into a conversation or guilt them into seeing you. Instead, focus on your own healing process and moving forward with your life.

Closure

Sometimes, calling your ex can be a way to gain closure and put the past behind you. If this is your goal, it’s important to approach the conversation with a clear idea of what you hope to achieve. Be honest and direct about your feelings, but also be prepared to listen to their perspective. Remember, closure is about finding peace within yourself, not necessarily about getting the answers you want.

Reconciliation

If you and your ex do decide to reconcile, it’s important to take things slow and communicate openly. Be honest about your expectations and concerns, and work together to build a healthier relationship. Remember, reconciling doesn’t mean that all of your problems will magically disappear - it takes time and effort to rebuild trust and intimacy.

In the end, whether you decide to call your ex or not, it’s important to focus on your own well-being and happiness. Don’t let the past hold you back from a bright future.

Managing Expectations and Emotions

When it comes to calling your ex, managing your expectations and emotions is key. You may feel a range of emotions, including happiness, loneliness, or even a desire to force things to work out. However, it is important to let go of any unrealistic expectations you may have and approach the situation with a clear head.

One way to manage your expectations is to think about what you hope to achieve by reaching out to your ex. Are you looking to rekindle the relationship or simply seeking closure? If you are hoping to get back together, it is important to understand that your ex may not feel the same way. Be prepared for the possibility of rejection and avoid putting too much pressure on the situation.

It is also important to manage your emotions. Take some time to process your emotions before reaching out to your ex.

Remember that forcing things to work out rarely leads to a positive outcome. If your ex is not interested in reconnecting, it is important to respect their decision and focus on moving forward. Letting go of the past can be difficult, but it is necessary for your own emotional well-being.

In summary, managing your expectations and emotions is crucial when it comes to calling your ex. Take time to reflect on your motives and approach the situation with a clear head. Avoid forcing things to work out, and be prepared to let go if necessary.

Dealing with Social Media

Social media can be a tricky thing to navigate when dealing with a breakup. It can feel tempting to constantly check your ex’s profiles to see what they are up to, but this can lead to a lot of unnecessary pain and anxiety. If you find yourself constantly stalking your ex on Facebook or other apps, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate.

One of the first things to consider is whether or not you should unfollow or block your ex on social media. While this may seem extreme, it can be a helpful way to reduce the temptation to check their profiles. It’s important to remember that seeing updates from your ex can be triggering and can make it harder to move on.

Another thing to keep in mind is that social media only shows a small part of someone’s life. You may see pictures of your ex having fun with friends or appearing happy, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they are doing well or that they are over the breakup. It’s important to remember that social media is often a highlight reel and that people don’t always share the difficult moments.

If you find yourself struggling with the urge to check your ex’s social media, try setting some boundaries for yourself. This could mean limiting your time on social media or taking a break altogether. You could also try finding other ways to distract yourself, such as going for a walk or spending time with friends.

Remember, it’s okay to feel sad or to miss your ex after a breakup. But constantly checking their social media profiles is unlikely to make you feel better. Try to focus on taking care of yourself and moving forward rather than getting stuck in the past.

Moving On, Regardless of the Outcome

So, you’ve decided to call your ex. Maybe it’s because you miss them, or maybe it’s because you want closure. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that the outcome of the call may not be what you expect.

First and foremost, it’s important to focus on yourself and your own healing. If you’re still feeling hurt or angry, it may be best to take some time to work through those emotions before reaching out to your ex. Trust yourself and your instincts, and don’t feel pressured to make a decision that doesn’t feel right.

If you do decide to call your ex, remember that the conversation may not go as planned. Your ex may not be interested in reconnecting or may not be ready to talk about the past. It’s important to be prepared for any outcome and to remember that you can still move on regardless of the outcome.

Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting about your ex or erasing them from your life. It means accepting the past and focusing on your own growth and happiness. Trust that everything happens for a reason and that you will find the right path forward, whether that involves your ex or not.

In the end, the decision to call your ex is a personal one that only you can make. Just remember to prioritize your own well-being and trust yourself, regardless of the outcome.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a good idea to contact your ex after a long time?

It depends on the circumstances. If you have both moved on and are in a good place emotionally, it may be okay to reach out and catch up. However, if the breakup was particularly painful or one of you is still not over it, it may be best to leave the past in the past.

How long should I wait before calling my ex?

There is no set amount of time that you should wait before contacting your ex. It really depends on the situation and how you both feel. If you are still feeling emotional and raw, it may be best to wait until you are in a better place before reaching out.

Is it better to text or call your ex?

This is a personal preference and really depends on your relationship with your ex. If you have a good rapport and are comfortable talking on the phone, a call may be more appropriate. If you are not on good terms or are unsure how your ex will react, a text may be a safer option.

What if I want to call my ex, but I’m scared?

It’s understandable to feel scared or nervous about reaching out to your ex. If you are feeling this way, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings.

Should I call my ex for closure?

While it’s natural to want closure after a breakup, calling your ex may not be the best way to get it. Closure ultimately comes from within, and reaching out to your ex may only lead to more hurt and confusion.

Should I call my ex to apologize?

If you feel like you owe your ex an apology, it may be appropriate to reach out and express your regret. However, it’s important to be sincere and not expect anything in return. Apologizing can be a healthy way to move on from a past relationship.

Better Relationships in Just 4 Minutes a Day

This newsletter is not just good - it delivers the best relationship advice to your inbox every week. Join thousands of subscribers discovering how to find love and improve their relationships with ease.

Don't miss the chance to add your name to the list before the next edition goes live. If you want to take advantage of this opportunity, simply click the below to access our secure sign-up page.

Sign Up Today
About the Author:
Ryan Hart

Ryan Hart is a certified relationship coach and writer. His mission is to help make connections between people better, stronger, more meaningful, and longer lasting using technology.

Want to connect with Ryan? Click here to join his FREE weekly newsletter

Better Relationships in Just 4 Minutes a Week

The best relationship advice — in your inbox — every Monday.

Join 1,000+ subscribers